A Metalhead Bogan Walks into a Taylor Swift Concert…
Taylor Swift
Accor Stadium, Homebush NSW
Sunday, February 25th, 2024
Support: Sabrina Carpenter
“How much did you pay for your tickets?”
– No one. Everyone here doesn’t want to talk about it.
The most I’ve listened to Taylor Swift in the lead up to this show was on the car ride to the stadium, when my wife Amy commandeered my Spotify, put on the Eras Tour Playlist and in doing so, ruined my algorithm forever. Let it be known that I’m a 46 year old metalhead, and Taylor Swift is quite possibly the furthest thing removed from what I’ve ever listened to.
This is my idea of hell. The thought of walking into an Olympic-sized stadium filled to the brim with screaming teenage pop fans is high on my list of shit I’d be fine with never ever ever doing. So why am I here when there are thousands of die hard fans camped just outside the venue, willing to do or pay anything to secure even the furthest seat away from the stage? Because Taylor Swift is the single biggest recording artist on the planet right now and to see the biggest music star in the world at the height of their career is a rare honour, and I am nothing if not a fan of music itself, even if it’s not particularly hers.
It’s been suggested online that Taylor Swift is so insanely popular at the moment that she could run for President this year and win by a landslide. But why would she? Given what I’ve seen in recent months, she holds far more sway than the leader of any country ever could, and the enormous pay cut makes the notion even less appealing. Let’s face it. You can’t escape her. She has been played on every music station on the planet. Her songs are being blasted over the speakers in most cafes across the country. Anyone on social media that gets within an inch of her posts about it (including the lads from Blink 182 who sold out the arena right next to Accor on Friday night).
I’ve never known Rolling Stone Magazine to cover the NFL as much as it has. Even Triple M, an Australian rock radio station that wouldn’t be caught dead playing her music, has resorted to getting local celebrated rock musicians to cover her songs whilst reporting on her goings-on during every single news break.
For anyone with electricity, It’s inescapable.
But for the fans, this is everything.
Traffic to the stadium has historically been a notoriously sh!thouse affair so my wife and I head in early to avoid any potential delays and by the time we arrive at 2.15pm there are already thousands of Swifties scattered across Olympic Park. The rain of the last two shows has well and truly subsided and the sun is beating down hard. As a result, it’s hot as bawls so we head to the nearest bar, The Locker Room. Every other time I’ve been here they’ve had the likes of Metallica and Slipknot playing over the speakers, but today the DJ is cranking Tay Tay at high volume, the joint is already packed and all I can think is that I’ve got another 9 or so hours of this to go.
We bump into some friends who have travelled down from Queensland for tomorrow’s final show but have made the trek in today to grab some merch ahead of time. Another mate Byrnesy rocks up in purple pants with his daughter Emma and she gives me my first-ever friendship bracelet. I look around and I think it’s fair to say that Tay Tay has revitalised the friendship bracelet market. Our mate Vicky arrives as well and she, thankfully, wore all black like me. Amy said I should have worn something colourful, but my rainbow unicorn Napalm Death shirt is in the wash, and as good as we look, we are firmly underdressed for the occasion. This is the most pink dresses, cheerleader uniforms, glittered spandex and sequins I’ve seen anywhere – and I’ve marched in Mardi Gras and been to a Steel Panther concert.
A few mid-strength drinks later and it’s time to head in. Now I have zero idea where we are sitting in this enormous stadium. The truth is, Vicky, Amy and I know a guy, and that legend sorted out our tickets for us. We grab our tickets from the box office and head into wherever we’re told to go. Security guides the way as we walk out of a tunnel, onto the field and with each step were inching closer to the front. We’re looking at each other thinking “What TF is going on??” and before you know it we’re RIGHT NEXT TO THE F**KING STAGE!!!! 8 rows back from the centre diamond as our ticket guy rolls up and says “Yeah these aren’t half bad”.
So who’s our guy?
Monkey. The greatest roadie that ever lived.
Amy and I met Monkey on our honeymoon in Vietnam back in 2018. We walked into a random bar on a day off from sightseeing, talking complete rubbish like how we control the weather when Monkey yells across the bar “Well can you make tomorrow nice? I’ve spent a fortune on a bike tour and I don’t want it to piss down on me.” He’d just been in Australia on Taylor’s Reputation Tour so we got talking real quick and became fast friends. He started telling us about tours with the likes of Motley Crüe, Aerosmith and The Rolling Stones, and I got the stupid notion that I could go drink for drink with him. We talked about Soundgarden’s first EP, Scorpions tour with Deep Purple, Keith Richards and a knife, walking Pantera to the stage on their famous Foundations Forum gig in 1990 and how Ronnie James Dio was the sweetest guy ever. He made me promise to get my arse to Frankies Pizza (RIP) and I finished the night the most drunk I’ve ever been, getting into a fight with a tuk tuk driver.
We kept in contact over the years and when he finally made his way back down under we organised to catch up for a beer. Now, I’m a professional tattoo artist and I said way back in 2018 that the next time I saw him I’d add to his large collection of monkey tattoos. I brought it up and he got talking about his crew on this tour. A tight-knit group that have their own unique quote they say to each other. They’d all been talking about getting that quote, so earlier this week I grabbed my gear, and tattooed some of, if not THE coolest and most caring people on the planet. Hardworking legends, that are easily the best there is at what they do.
So what did they get tattooed?
Well, that’s none of your business champion.
This is their tattoo and theirs alone.
They earned that tattoo with a lifetime of hard work and personal sacrifice.
It’s up to them who gets it, and not for me to divulge.
So here I am today, standing not even ten metres from the stage with my friends and we are all collectively hugging the great man. While I’m no Swiftie by any means, I understand the enormity of this experience and will never be able to thank him enough.
The sun has just started to disappear, but where it is shining, the crowd glitters from all the sequins and it gives the arena an air of magic. Sabrina Carpenter comes out and the scream from the crowd will blow my hearing out more than any Metallica concert ever could. If I didn’t know better I’d think this was a cult. Some chick screams out “I LOVE YOU” and if she keeps yelling like that, she may just end up with a voice that’ll earn her a spot singing in a death metal band.
To be fair, and it may be my fault, but I have zero idea who this is and looking around at all the fans singing every word, I’m easily the odd one out. I haven’t listened to commercial pop radio ever – but after a quick Google search, I find that this pint-sized legend has got well north of 32 million followers on Instagram alone. The noise coming from the crowd is impressive as they sing and scream along. I finally know one of the songs when she nails a rendition of ‘Hopelessly Devoted To You’ by Olivia Newton John. She covers every inch of the stage and works every person in attendance. No mean feat for any performer, especially for a crowd of this magnitude. I’m certain she’ll be at 33 million Insta followers in no time.
Monkey comes out for a quick g’day between sets and sees a couple of lucky young girls sitting behind us with their parents. He reaches into his Batman utility belt, pulls out a couple of Taylor Swift guitar picks and gives it to them. I’ve noticed that every person working on this tour, from Tay Tay down, is geared to make it all about the fans. Even all the bro’s getting about in Travis Kelce jerseys get some love, but it’s the kids that get it the most. There are thousands of parents in Swift-mode and the smiles on the kid’s faces make it entirely worthwhile.
‘Applause’ by Lady Gaga gets blasted over the speakers and the place goes berserk before ‘You Don’t Own Me’ by Leslie Gore has a stadium full of very excited Swifties singing “Don’t tell me what to do. Don’t tell me what to say” just as a great big clock with pops up on the big screen and starts counting down from 02:30.…02:29….02:28. The singing turns to screams and I’d be bullshitting if I didn’t start to get a bit excited myself.
01:39…01:38…01:37…She’s not even in view yet, but someone somewhere must have gotten a glimpse of her because the lunatics seated behind the stage are screaming their faces off. A news helicopter circles overhead because, let’s face it, Taylor Swift is the only news right now. The screams are getting louder…
00:05 – 00:04 – 00:03 – 00:02 – 00:01…..
AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHjesusf**kingchrist!!!!!!!!!
Absolute bedlam!!!! The security bloke at the barricade told me I wasn’t ready for this and he was right. He gave me earplugs because he said I’d need them more than him and even if I did put them to use, they would have done stuff all. I turn to Aims and Vicky and they both look at me mouthing “WTF!” while a slew of dancers emerge, adorned in giant pink peacock kite sails that they lay flat on the centre diamond.
The kites go up and Taylor Swift emerges right in front of us as every single person in the stadium completely loses their collective shit. The energy surging through the entire stadium is unlike anything I’ve ever experienced as more than 80,000 strong sing every damned word to ‘Miss Americana & The Heartbreak Prince’. All I can keep thinking is that this is completely mental and there’s no way this mob can keep this up for more than three hours. She rips into ‘Cruel Summer’ and I already know I’m wrong. Even I’ve heard this one and the only things that’ll give up tonight are my eardrums and my back.
Tay Tay continues through her Lover era with ‘The Man’ and she’s a machine. Surrounded by her dancers, they inject a lot of personality into this show and when I see Kameron Saunders I get a bit excited and point him out to Amy and Vicky. The legend had flown his gorgeous mother Kim out to Australia for her birthday and we got to meet them and a bunch of the crew in the foyer earlier in the week. We had a great yarn about having a birthday in two timezones, ignoring the need for sleep and riding out jetlag in a bar. They ignored my advice and beelined it straight to bed but you could see the pride on both their faces. You should be proud Mum. Your son is amazing.
‘You Need to Calm Down’ comes on and no one does. Not one person in the crowd has slackened off and was I dancing along too? Bloody oath I was. A wise man once told me that if you don’t dance with your girl, some other bastard will. Besides, it’s catchy as hell and I am an incredible dancer for a middle-aged metalhead. The Lover era moves into the Fearless era as I look at my wife and she has the most enormous grin spread across her beautiful face. ‘You Belong With Me’ is blaring as she looks across at all the young ladies losing their minds. She then looks at me and says “Oh, to be a teenage girl again”.
Fearless leads into the Evermore era and the further we venture into this show, the more I realise I’ve heard much more of Taylor’s music than I’d lead myself to believe. It shouldn’t surprise me. Her music has made its way into every facet of society in every country on the planet and here’s me acting like if I listened to enough Astrodeath and King Parrot then I’d be able to escape it. The Evermore era is a bit of a gentler/folky ride and while the throng continue to stand and sing every word, you’ll excuse me if I sit my old arse down for half a song.
The thumping bass from ‘…Ready For It?’ kickstarts the Reputation part of the show and it gets a huge pop. Now, I’ve seen KISS, Red Hot Chilli Peppers, Guns N Roses and even the mighty AC/DC at this joint and as incredible as they all were, NOT ONE of them ever got the reaction to any of their music that every song is getting here tonight. I’ve seen footage of huge music acts playing that one song of theirs, where they can stop singing and a stadium full of people will sing the whole song back to them. Think ‘Viva La Vida’ by Coldplay, ‘Everlong’ by Foo Fighters, ‘Bohemian Rhapsody’ by Queen, and ‘Thinking Out Loud’ by Ed Sheeran. Now it’s that, but every single song. I wouldn’t be surprised if the fandom surrounding Taylor Swift ends up rivalling Beatlemania.
Speak Now era bleeds into Red and it’s a party. We’re 20 songs deep and we’re not even halfway done. My back is cactus but I can’t get my eyes off this show. I have an old man stretch and look up to see the sea of lights surrounding Cathy Freeman’s name on the eastern stand and remember when my dear departed Dad spent a bomb on the 2000 Olympic Opening Ceremony tickets. Freeman lit the Cauldron that year and went on to win gold in the 400m. I’ve been coming to this stadium for 24 years and this is the first time I’ve seen a music artist use this entire facility to its fullest. It’s worth noting that Taylor also broke a new record for Accor, being the first artist to play 4 nights in a row at the venue.
In doing so, she has set the bar for stadium entertainment in this country and I pity any mob that follows.
Then nothing. Taylor is just sitting around looking at the crowd. Yet as she does, the audience completely goes off their head. She takes her earphones out and the place is losing their shit. She says “That doesn’t feel like a real thing, what are you doing?” She knows what she’s doing. This is Michael Jackson at the Super Bowl level shit. She has a wee tear in her eye. Some other bloke in the crowd might too. Not me. Bugger Off.
Guitarist Paul Sidoti comes out with an Eddie Van Halen guitar and I give him the metal horns because Van Halen rules. The Folklore house appears and after a song where Taylor sings sweetly “to go fuck myself”, she perches herself on the steps of the house for a few seconds like a drunk derro on the steps of Mount Druitt station and I think to myself “yep, we’ve all been there.”
The Folklore era is haunting, beautiful, fun and emotional all at once.
This ain’t just a concert. It’s theatre. Grounded and extravagant all at once.
The party hits another level as the show moves into 1989 and while I’m less likely to ‘Shake It Off ‘ and more likely to stretch it out at this point, there’s no ‘Bad Blood’ here.
That Dad joke right there. You’re welcome.
I have to say though, when Taylor embarks on the acoustic part of the show, that’s when I’m blown away. That, over the last couple of weeks, 600,000 Australians have gone to the lengths they have to watch one young lady sing with a guitar and piano has had me floored. But now seeing it, I get it. She’s so good it’s almost unfair and the love beaming from her fans is genuine, if not a bit mental.
The Midnights era sees out the night with a total of 45 songs in almost three and a half hours and you can’t help but be absolutely impressed by the magnitude and quality of what we’ve all witnessed tonight. How Taylor, the amazing performers and outstanding road crew do it for four nights on the trot is beyond me. But Taylor and her crew are the biggest in the world for a reason.
As for the fans. You’re all off your heads and I love it. If my son wants to grow up admiring the likes of Taylor Swift alongside you lunatics then I have zero problems with that. Tonight was a celebration, and you were every part of that.
Thanks for an amazing and unforgettable night you lot. I’m off to knock a few cans on their head with Monkey and the crew. Cheers.
Review by Duane James @duanejamestattoo
Eras Setlist
Lover
Miss Americana & the Heartbreak Prince
Cruel Summer
The Man
You Need to Calm Down
Lover
The Archer
Fearless
Fearless
You Belong With Me
Love Story
evermore
’tis the damn season
willow
marjorie
champagne problems
tolerate it
reputation
…Ready for It?
Delicate
Don’t Blame Me
Look What You Made Me Do
Speak Now
Enchanted
Long Live
Red
Red
22
We Are Never Ever Getting Back Together
I Knew You Were Trouble
All Too Well
folklore
seven
the 1
betty
the last great american dynasty
august
illicit affairs
my tears ricochet
cardigan
1989
Style
Blank Space
Shake It Off
Wildest Dreams
Bad Blood
Surprise Songs
Is It Over Now? (w/mashup of I Wish You Would)
Haunted (w/mashup of exile)
Midnights
Lavender Haze
Anti‐Hero
Midnight Rain
Vigilante Shit
Bejeweled
Mastermind
Karma (extended outro)
Gallery
