You know what, death is a bitch.
Throughout the course of the six instalments of the Final Destination franchise, we've first hand witnessed death ruin things that have caused intergenerational trauma that's STILL haunting us to this day.
Whether it be - getting on a flight, trying to calm the nerves on a rollercoaster, escalators, going to the dentist or simply driving behind a lumber truck knowing damn well those logs aren't going to fucking fall off and piledrive you into an early grave - yet, we still change lanes and utter a simple "nope" under our breath.
Now, as we prepare for the sixth instalment, Final Destination Bloodlines, to hit Australian cinemas on May 15th, we've been met with yet another blood-soaked offering of our favourite activities getting ruined, and to be honest with you, right now I just feel like staying at home like a hermit and not doing anything fun ever again.
The official synopsis dropped along with a new trailer and it seems we're going back in time - long before Alex Browning (Devon Sawa) stepped foot on Flight 180 - as we meet a group of new victims bonded by the heroics of someone who inadvertently connected them by saving their fucking lives.
Synopsis: Plagued by a violent recurring nightmare, college student Stefanie heads home to track down the one person who might be able to break the cycle and save her family from the grisly demise that inevitably awaits them all. The newest chapter in New Line Cinema’s bloody successful franchise takes audiences back to the very beginning of Death’s twisted sense of justice— Final Destination Bloodlines.
Now, to catch you up, the initial teaser trailer caused mass hysteria with it's face-scrunching sneak-peek at one scene in the upcoming film and now that there's a collection of new irrational fears to look out for, we're going to ever so nicely count them down for you below... just like you days on this earth!
#1 - Septum Piercings
As we first saw in that initial teaser, who knew having a septum piercing could cause so much grief... I have friends who feel personally attacked because of this abhorrent kill scene (which could be one of the film's early ones so don't stress about spoilers) and if you end up taking your septum piercing out afterwards, I wouldn't blame you!
#2 - Drinks with Ice
We've all done this. Gone to a bar, bought a drink and the bar person unknowingly scoops some cold refreshing ice into your glass before handing it over to you. Nothing wrong with that right? WRONG! A new fear has been unlocked and the only way forward is to become completely sober and avoid any kind of fun activity with friends. #HermitLife
#3 - Trampolines
We all know trampolines are a death trap waiting to happen, but up until now we've kept that little fear in the back of our minds and wilfully jumped without a care in the world on them - especially when bringing on the butterfly-inducing double jump trick to get higher air. After seeing this clip in the new trailer, good luck getting anywhere near one of these death contraptions!
#4 - Glass Floors
If you've got a profound fear of heights, you wouldn't be caught dead near one of these stupid inventions in the first place. But now it seems people can't even dance on glass dancefloors without their overstimulated brains thinking "I wonder what would happen if something broke the glass!" Stupid fears and stupid ideas go hand in hand and this looks like it'll prevent a new generation from stepping foot on any glass floor installations for the foreseeable future.
#5 - Revolving Doors
Oh cool look at the revolving door out the front of that building, how fun would it be to walk through that - THINK AGAIN FUCKER! You'll be asking for the side door entrance after seeing what could happen to you when death plays a fun game of how fast can you keep up!
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#6 - Lawn Mowers
Let's be real, there's always been an irrational fear of lawnmowers looming in some way shape or form, right? What if I chop off my foot or what would happen if I tried to fix the blades without being a qualified repair person? The worry is always there, but Final Destination Bloodlines have turned the fear up to 11 and by the 1 minute mark in the trailer, you'll be retiring from mowing your own lawns for the rest of your life.
FFS Final Destination - is nothing safe anymore?
If you're brave enough to venture out of the house after watching the trailer below, then make sure to lock in seeing what else they've got in store for carnage candy fiends when Final Destination Bloodlines hits Aussie cinemas on May 15 via New Line Cinema / Warner Brothers Australia
Final Destination Bloodlines stars Kaitlyn Santa Juana, Teo Briones, Richard Harmon, Owen Patrick Joyner, Anna Lore, with Brec Bassinger, and the late Tony Todd in his final role before his own untimely passing in November 2024.
