Choof - Gig Review 3rd May @ Elton Chongs, Penrith NSW
Choof
Elton Chongs, Penrith NSW
May 3rd, 2024
Supports: Carnal Viscera, Durry, Maggot Cave.
Last time Choof played at this joint, someone shit their pants.
Elton Chong’s is a tidy little watering hole in the guts of Penrith that has all the trimmings of a heavy metal dive bar without smelling like there’s a busted toilet leaking out the back. While it’s not the roomiest joint I’ve ever been to, it is big enough to host live music and when the punters eventually make their way inside, things can get real rowdy, real quick.
I get in an hour before doors and there are already a solid contingent of punters on hand as the bands are setting up. The walls are adorned with framed custom street art, gig posters, and a few thousand miles of handwritten quotes like “Here for a Chong time, not a long time”. There’s a couple of old arcade games up the back and a bloke walking around the joint with a chainsaw. No one bats an eyelid. Mudvayne is getting belted over the speakers, they’ve got local breweries Mountain Culture and Philter on tap and the loaded fries on offer are good enough to eat. There’s no stage per se. Just load your gear in the corner at the end of the bar, plug it in and turn shit up.
After a lengthy sound check MAGGOT CAVE kickstart proceedings. Drummer Rohan Smith has a white shirt on with “Smoke Crack” written on it in Sharpie. It gets a laugh and he drums like he’s had all the crack in Penrith anyway. They perform their new song ‘Return To The Cave’ which is a groovy addition to their high paced set. These guys have great energy and their music destroys. Singer Dave Bate can wail, but his between song behaviour stalls the flow of the show. In a venue as intimate as this, it pays to have a bit of banter while the band retunes their instruments. Kneeling down and facing away from the crowd makes it seem like he’s either unwell or uninterested. Regardless, the musical performance itself was brilliant and with songs like ‘Shirt Tucker’ and a little ditty called ‘Wall Of Sound’ about a grub called Phil Spector, these guys have landed a few new fans tonight.
I sit down for a beer and I meet a young bloke called Jack who is, to his own detriment, a big fan of Long Island Iced Tea’s. Turns out that at the last Choof show he had several of the tasty bastards, got suitably wrecked and in the process passed out in the gutter and cacked his dacks. As I sat there in amazement, he went on to tell me all the other times he’d gotten blind, blacked out and messed himself. I make a bold suggestion that he lay off the iced teas.
Truth be told he’s a bit of a legend and is now known around the bar as Pant-Shitter. I didn’t shake his hand though. All the soap in the world isn’t going to get rid of the filth he’s had to scrub off of himself.
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Jack the Pant-Shitter pointing at the Pant-Shitter flyer[/caption]
DURRY are great fun to watch.
The singer is holding a guitar but I can’t hear an inch of it. Eventually he turns it all the way up and starts telling people to smoke. These pioneers of Cracked-Core are up us to “make cones and grind”. The between song banter is immaculate. One introductory story to a song went longer that the song itself and no one seemed to mind. Each tune went out to someone including:
- Those who smoke bongs in the morning
- Those who come home from a long slog at night shift, only to find they aren’t suitably equipped for that post-work bong
- Those who smoke cones in their lunch break
- Grog Bogs
- People who still scab smokes
They rip into the GG ALLIN cover ‘Sleeping In My Piss’, but before they do the singer dedicates this song “For those who can’t relate”. We’re regaled with a tale of waking up in ones own urine and faeces, and the subsequent week long rash that followed. A killer set from the lads that put a lot of smiles on the punters faces and it’s time
CARNAL VISCERA look dangerous. The band sets up in menacing formation as vocalist Tom climbs on the bar with the aforementioned chainsaw and starts spraying every punter within spitting distance with fake blood. While singing, he starts pouring beers for those closest to him and at the moment theres two shows going on. The band are inch perfect. They look and sound incredible. Just watching them thrash out is a show in itself and I have to position myself accordingly so as to see everything thats going on.
The room is moving wall to wall and a young lad with earplugs who came with his folks has been lifted up to the roof. A lady passes a Grape flavoured dental dam to Tom and he says hell save it for later. With songs like ‘Amalgamated Cluster Corpse’ and ‘Necrotic Molestation’ you know its going to be a joyous affair and when guitarist Alannah plays the intro to ‘Wrong Night To Pull Over’, all the guitar aficionados in the room pay attention.
They finish the set off by shouting Pant-Shitter a beer for being a legend and turning up to face the music. A great set from the crew that really got some heads and bodies moving.
“WHAT’S HAPPENING YA RATS, YA FUCKING DOGS” is screamed over the microphone as CHOOF take the floor. A blown up condom floats through the air as vocalist Jake spits a hefty loogie onto the roof that just wants to hang there forever. Even a few of the seasoned Choof fans are grossed out but that doesn’t stop them from throwing a few coins in the bands donation can as it gets passed around. Two songs in and its already chaos.
Guitarist Adam already has bloodied knuckles and any sense of there being a stage in this bar are gone. Jake is crawling through the rabble, spitting beer at those clever enough to stand up front and theres no safe space to stand. Some revellers make their way through the playing area and get soaked in the process. Even those that set up camp out on the footpath cop an earful for paying the door charge, only to stay as far away from the band as possible.
Elton Chongs is also no longer clean as well. The roof needs mopping and there’s been more beer spilt on the floor than is actually in the hands of the drinkers in the room. As manic as the performance is, the band itself is tight. The music is loud, coarse and abrasive. With songs like ‘Blasphemous Execution’, Mortuary Rat’ and ‘Yoghurt Cups’ on offer, its fair to say that a Choof show isn’t for the easily offended. The noise being spewed forth is the perfect soundtrack to what’s happening in the room right now. As Jake said when I talked to him earlier this week, the mob that show up tonight are part of the problem. None of them are being kind to themselves, throwing themselves around and banging their heads into concussion. One bloke hands Jake his cocktail, who drinks it before throwing the ice at people’s heads. Thank Lemmy that the kitchen is closed and there’s no food within arms reach.
The singer from Durry has the mic cord wrapped around his head as he’s dragged onto stage and bass player Jackson is staring at everyone threateningly while sounding a million bucks. No one is safe. If you were trying to hide then you’re shit out of luck. At least one of the band members are going to drag you into this mess. Jake works his way through the crowd dragging bums off seats, not letting anyone rest. It’s one in, all in, then curfew kicks in, it’s all over and no one wants to leave. Jake takes off out the back, the band stops and the bar staff look like they’ll need a sandblaster to clean up this mess. I look across to an somewhat inebriated Pant-Shitter and he’s starting to look like he’s about to live up to his name.
Know this. If you were looking for the type of gutter-ridden spectacle, filled to the brim with abhorrent behaviour that would make one bloke in particular defecate themselves with a smile on their face, then this show is definitely it. But if you felt like you could just stand at the side to witness the carnage and leave unscathed, then you’d be wrong. No one is left alone, everyone is indoctrinated into the madness.
Additionally, the cross section of bands meant I didn’t feel like I was getting bombarded by the same genre all night. A great night put on at a venue I’ll definitely visit again. An absolute top night. I’m going home for a shower.
Gig Review by Duane James @duanejamestattoo
CHOOF – “PLAYIN’ SOME SHOWS UP THE COAST”
SATURDAY MAY 11TH – The Metro, Adelaidewith Maggot Cave, Durry and Demon Pig
SUNDAY MAY 12TH – The Woodshed, Royal Parkwith Maggot Cave, Durry, Scarcophagus, Skeleton Head, Anko Shit and Cyanide Farm
FRIDAY MAY 24TH – Singing Bird Studios, Frankstonwith Goat Shaman, False Dichotomy, Satanic Dog Cunts and Serpentry
SATURDAY MAY 25TH – Nighthawks, Melbournewith Spew Ballon, Hormagaunt, Good Time Aussie Bogalars and Overthrone
SATURDAY JUNE 1ST – The Bearded Lady, Brisbanewith Cerebral Erosion, Skirmisher and Awful Noise
SUNDAY JUNE 2ND – Bad Habit, Nambourwith Flogg, Doublesided Nail and Awful Noise
