Duane's World: Issue 1 - Show Stopping On-Stage Antics
“If you can think of it, someone is in to it.”
It’s an old saying. Fair really. I once heard of a bloke that had in excess of 40 genital piercings, just so he could set off the metal detector at the airport. His endgame was to be asked if he had any metal on his person, and then produce said metal to the inspectors.
Not really the actions of a man with a sound mind, but I bet if he did a bit of googling he’d soon find that he could join the “Prince Albert Society of Metal Detector Alarmists”. I'll come back to this bloke later.
But who am I to judge? Some people like dressing up as teddy bears. Some people like being tied to a hay bail and oinked at like a pig. Some people like getting decked out in leather whilst getting flogged with a horsewhip by a large Samoan man called Charlotte.
And maybe, just maybe, you want to get urinated on by the singer of a brass band in front of thousands of concerned punters.
Well if that’s you and you were at Welcome to Rockville at the Daytona International Speedway in Florida on Saturday, then you’re in for a fucking treat. Because vocalist Sophia Urista of Brass Against (and part of Team Miley on the 11th season of The Voice US) dragged some willing punter up on stage during their rendition of the Rage Against the Machine song 'Wake Up' and near drowned the lucky bloke in a sea of her own piss. Not just a little bit either. It was LOT. Almost like Urista had downed a few gatorades before the show with a solid dose of EZ-PEE. It would’ve been a genuinely impressive display, if I was into such behaviour. Suss it out.
Didn’t miss a beat did she? Sang every note.
Is getting pissed on my cup of tea? Not really, but I’m betting there’s a group of pee aficionados that are sitting around saying, “AH SHIT!!! We should’ve been there. That could’ve been us”.
While I hardly think it’s the ideal locale to answer the call of nature, the act itself should hardly be shamed upon or called ‘gross’ and ‘wrong’. Both people were consenting adults and while you won’t catch me on the receiving end of such a drenching, you’ve gotta applaud the balls it took to perform such an act in the public eye. Now while this performance has divided the music listening community (some calling it gross, some calling it a publicity stunt, others throwing it a hashtag #brave, and a few music journalists in Australia that think it’s fucking brilliant) it’s hardly the most controversial or disturbing incident to have happened in the rock arena.
Take a look back over the decades of rock n roll and you’ll find that the stage is a hotbed of controversial performances... Here’s a list of some on-stage antics that caused a stir throughout the years:
L7 - Reading Festival 1992
Donita Sparks piffed a used tampon into the crowd, after she’d fetched the sanitary product nonchalantly from the depths of her own vagina while yelling into the microphone “Eat My Used Tampon Fuckers”. Pure class. Sheer Brilliance.
GG Allin - get ready to gag…
The list of people that are into the same shit as GGAllin is short and filled with the same creepers that stare at strangers with their hands down their pants, and probably side with Marilyn Manson on what is good and proper behaviour.
GG Allin was never going to die easy. This lunatic would hit the stage bare arsed, already bleeding and would proceed to fight the crowd. He’d then defecate on the dance floor, only to snort and eat it before picking it up with his bare hands to launch at nearby punters. GG landed himself in prison on several occasions as a result of his performances, having been arrested (52 times he claimed) for indecent exposure and assault & battery. His touring was only broken up by stints in hospital or prison.
Proceed with caution. Watch this video armed with a spew bucket.
Ozzy Osbourne - that fucking bat at the Alamo
Some weird unit threw an unconscious bat up on stage in Des Moines, 1982. Ozzy grabbed it thinking it was a prop. Bit the head off and in doing so pissed off animal activists everywhere. Probs got some rabies too. Not the first time Ozzy had taken the head off of a live animal with his teeth. Sharon Osbourne was a guest on Wide Ride! with Steve-O on 16/7/2020 and said that in a 10am board meeting, a drunk and wired Ozzy had two doves stashed in his jacket, that he was going to release as a symbol of thanks. After the signing he sat on a ladies knee, took a dove out of his jacket, bit the head off it and spat it in her lap. He then released the second dove that flew around the boardroom, knocking stuff over and shitting everywhere. He was reprimanded by the company but went on to become the icon he is today. But not after snorting a line of ants and drinking his own piss with Motley Crüe.
Motley Crüe - Finger Licken Good
On Motley Crüe’s 1985 Theatre Of Pain tour, a stray chicken made its way on stage and started strutting around like she owns the joint. Nikki Sixx picks the little hen up and launches her into the crowd, that in the excitement of the moment, tore the poor bastard apart. You’d think the lads would have learned from Uncle Alice Cooper, who did the same exact thing only years before with similar results. RIP Foghorn Leghorn.
Steel Panther - Brazzers at the Big Top
During Steel Panther's classic '17 Girls in a Row', the boys are known to bring a few ladies up onto the stage and whether they get their tits out or not is their business. But on October 6, 2012 at The Luna Park Big Top in Sydney Australia, the lads brought up none other that the world famous Brazzers and Twistys porn stars and it quickly got a wee bit X-rated. The crowd was wild and right into it. If anyone got offended on the night then they were at the wrong fucking show. An absolute blinder.
GWAR kills Tony Abbott and gives the Queen a mastectomy
GWAR played what would be their last Australian shows with frontman Oderus Urungus (aka Dave Brockie RIP) on the Soundwave 2014 tour. The band came out in their usual brilliant attire, accompanied by Her Majesty the Queen, who had her boobs lopped off, and King Maggot Tony Abbott who was beheaded after trying to send GWAR back to Antarctica. Blood flowed onto the crowd, onto my boots, and onto the backs of the unsuspecting security guards that spent the remainder of the day stinking like whatever these alien art students made their blood from.
In the days that followed, breakfast shows thought that Oderus barking out “FUCK OFF” as he took the head off Abbott wasn’t funny. But the crowd on hand thought otherwise, still talking about it and one bloke making it a part of this very article seven years later...
Rammstein’s giant loaded appendage
If you have any aversion to sperm then Rammstein is probably gunna gross you out a little. Armed with all manner of BDSM gear, leashes, leather and fake tackle, these Germans have had to reign their performances in a bit when they hit America, but anywhere else, singer TillLindemann will ride a giant penis onto the stage, shooting mega-litres of frothy jizz onto the crowd.
Skip to 3:30. It’s a bit different.
https://youtu.be/-trO4oBDUzw?t=200
Jim Morrison rides the snake, out his trousers:
On March 1, 1969, The Lizard King lived up to his name and whipped his pants lizard out on stage at the Dinner Key Auditorium in Miami. A visibly drunk Jim Morrison missed a flight and rolled up an hour late to the oversold and heavily packed venue. Halfway though ‘Break On Through’ Morrison loses interest in the song and starts calling the crowd “fucking idiots” and begins asking if they’d like to see his cock. Morrison was arrested as a result and found guilty of indecent exposure. The incident is said to have derailed the band and set off a series of events that resulted in the singer's death two years later.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Srx-SBb5dqc
Hole singer gets her boobies out at Big Day Out:
Courtney Love gets her boobs out for ages while playing ‘Celebrity Skin’ at 1999 Big Day Out.
Says “Give it up for my boobies”. Doesn’t get arrested. No one is surprised at her behaviour.
SPASM and GUTALAX- every minute of every one of their shows:
Fat guys in Borat onesies are nothing new but a band whose logo is two penises shaped into an S will attract it’s fair share of crazies. Sometimes the singer is prone to wearing a masquerade mask with a large penis for a nose or he’ll even don the full piggy-gimp head gear. Plus the crowd is known to get the stray nudist jump up on stage and wave their bits at the pit. No behaviour is discouraged and if you’re a fan of the pig squeal, you’re gunna dig their sound.
What’s more concerning though is the 8 year old on the side of that stage with his mum that is watching every move made by band and crowd. At one point he looks like he might be a bit passed it. Either that or he’s due for a nap.
If you go into a YouTube deep dive after watching Spasm at Obscene Extreme Fest, you’ll eventually come across GUTALAX, a Czech band that emerge onto the stage to the theme from Baywatch, while dressed in raincoats so as not to get sprayed with whatever the fuck is coming at them from this insanely weird crowd. It looks like a beach party with all the inflatable shit flying around and the dress code is “clothing optional”. It’s a perfect display of all the weirdos being allowed out for the day. The perfect event for lovers of the all year round, keys in the bowl Halloween Party.
Look, this list could go on. There’s Nergal from Behemoth getting arrested for burning a bible on stage. Bloody theatrical beheadings from Alice Cooper through to Ice Nine Kills' murderous rampages. There’s a list of singers that have stuck small statues of the Virgin Mary up their arse while screaming “Fuck The Pope”. The list is enormous and filled with great and questionable acts being performed in the name of art.
So what’s the moral of this article? Essentially, it’s important for you to know that the freaks are everywhere and they’re becoming more prevalent and accepted than the judgemental purists that demand you bow down and behave like whatever they pass off as normal. For every Uber-conservative right-wing christian hell bent on passing judgement on the doomed masses, there is a submissive furry, wearing Bluey underwear with the bum cut out that likes dirty feet and the smell of freshly cut grass. Most people don’t let it be known what tickles their fancy. Quite frankly it’s their business and theirs alone. Some people wear their freak flags on the inside, others like to flaunt it and occasionally, just occasionally, you’ll find those that’ll do that shit on stage.
So revel in your freaky side people. Do it on your terms, just so long as when others are involved you’re all consenting adults and not hurting others (unless that’s what they’re into, wink wink Spanky spank). Plus try not to judge. You may not be into it now, but you never know. You might end up liking having a peach rubbed over your belly by a lady wearing a cheese bikini while your hair is gently pulled in time to Neil Diamonds ‘Sweet Caroline’ (…dun dun dun, Good times never seemed so goooooooood!!!)!!!
Brass Against's singer Sophia Urista has since issued an apology for her actions on the back of a global witch hunt instigated by media from outside of the rock/metal world. The same media that long discarded her after her stint on the pop driven show The Voice. But who are they to pass judgement on something completely irrevelant to their domain? To that, I say a big F-U to the naysayers and come swinging in defence of dear ol Urista! Also, Brass Against, don’t be surprised if you get a different breed of punter at your next gig. There’s every chance you’ve found a new legion of fans you never knew you had.
Incidentally, the guy with the 40 piercings didn’t end up setting the machine off at the airport and getting his bits out for security. Maybe if he’d done a bit more googling he’d have found out that Surgical Steel is designed to not set off the Metal Detectors. He’d have been better off sticking a steel baseball bat up his arse.
But that’s a whole other google search.
Written by the uncensored mind of Duane James @duanejames666
