The Top 50 Anti-Love Songs For Valentines Day
Valentine Schmaletine. Amiright? It’s some strange over commercialized custom where on February 14th you show your love for someone by spending 3x as much on roses, chocolates and teddy bears yet every other day of the year a grown ass woman with a pile of stuffed animals is considered a weirdo. Well, I can’t have cats so fuck you!
Some girls will actually go crazy over not having a date on Valentines Day and it’s like sweetie, nobody loves you any other day of the year either so in the words of Gloria Gaynor – you will survive! But, for the terminally single, the heartbroken, the ones suffering from unrequited love, the people who want to vomit at the sight of PDA, or the people who prefer to watch My Bloody Valentine with a guy running around in a gas mask and a pickaxe, this Top 50 is for you…
50. Trapt – ‘Disconnected (Out Of Touch)’
49. Bowling For Soup – ‘Suckerpunch’
48. Motörhead – ‘Bye Bye Bitch Bye Bye’
47. Green Day – ‘All By Myself’
46. Evanescence – ‘Call Me When You’re Sober’
45. Bad Cop/ Bad Cop – ‘Anti Love Song’
44. Me First and the Gimme Gimmes – ‘Nothing Compares 2 U’
43. From Lambs To Lions – ‘We Are Never Ever Ever Getting Back Together’
42. The Offspring – ‘Self Esteem’
41. Interpol – ‘If You Really Love Nothing’
40. Good Charlotte – ‘I Don’t Wanna Be In Love (Dance Floor Anthem)’
39. Placebo – ‘Without You I’m Nothing’
38. Pearl Jam – ‘Black’
37. Def Leppard – ‘Love Bites’
36. Effigy – ‘Lovers’
35. Ebolagoldfish – ‘All Messed Up’
34. Regurgitator – ‘Polyester Girl’
33. Limp Bizkit – ‘Boiler’
32. The Rasmus – ‘Living In A World Without You’
31. Nickelback – ‘How You Remind Me’
30. Parkway Drive – ‘Romance Is Dead’
29. Alice Cooper – ‘Poison’
28. Custard – ‘Girls Like That (Don’t Go For Guys Like Us)’
27. Ammonia – ‘You’re Not The Only One Who Feels This Way’
26. Jebediah – ‘Nothing Lasts Forever’
25. Rat Cat – ‘That Ain’t Bad’
24. Joan Jett & The Blackhearts – ‘I Hate Myself For Loving You’
23. Buzzcocks – ‘Ever Fallen In Love (With Someone You Shouldn’t’ve)’
22. Violent Femmes – ‘Add It Up’
21. No Doubt – ‘Don’t Speak’
20. Bullet For My Valentine – ‘Don’t Need You’
19. The Used – ‘Cry’
18. HIM – ‘Wicked Game’
17. Foo Fighters – ‘The One’
16. My Chemical Romance – ‘I Don’t Love You’
15. The Wombats – ‘Give It A Try’
14. The All American Rejects – ‘Gives You Hell’
13. blink-182 – ‘Dammit’
12. Orgy – ‘Blue Monday’
11. Three Days Grace – ‘I Hate Everything About You’
10. Marilyn Manson – ‘Tainted Love’
“Don’t touch me please I cannot stand the way you tease/I love you though you hurt me so/Now I’m going to pack my things and go”
This has to be one of the most covered songs of all time and honestly, they’re all great. If Manson isn’t your cup of tea, check out The Living End’s version.
9. The Clash – ‘Should I Stay Or Should I Go’
“This indecision’s bugging me/If you don’t want me set me free”
You know that umming and ahhing you have about leaving someone. Yeah, that’s shit.
8. GWAR – ‘Hate Love Songs’
“I hate long songs and I hate lovers/I hate everything that I can’t have so I hate you”
7. The Police – ‘Every Breath You Take’
“Every move you make/Every step you take/I’ll be watching you”
Nothing says you’re loved like a stalker right?
6. Descendents – ‘I’m The One’
“Nice guys finish last no one knows as good as me/We’re just good friends and you come to be for sympathy”
This is like the ultimate unrequited love song…or to the “nice guys” out there it’s the ‘Friend Zone’ song.
5. Joy Division – ‘ Love Will Tear Us Apart’
“When routine bites hard and ambitions are low/And resentment rides high but emotions won’t grow”
Too obvious? Maybe, but you’re a liar if you wouldn’t rate this highly during your Forever Alone sulk sessions.
4. Filter – ‘Where Do We Go From Here?’
“I’m not so glad I met you/It makes me want to go away”
3. 30 Seconds To Mars – ‘The Kill (Bury Me)’
“I am finished with you/Look in my eyes/You’re killing me, killing me/All I wanted was you”
What’s a better way to sing away your heartache but with Mr Eyecandy himself, Jared Leto?
2. Alanis Morissette – ‘You Oughta Know’
“It was a slap in the face how quickly I was replaced/And are you thinking of me when you fuck her?”
When it comes to female break up songs, most are a little too Taylor Swift and tear-inducing, which is fine but sometimes you just need just really want to punch someone in the dick. Alanis gets it.
and the winner is…
1. AFI – ‘I Hope You Suffer’
“No one will ever know you/Deny the last one who cares/Intoxicate with the new/Pretend I’m no longer here”
Frontman Davey Havok gets me right in the feels. I can’t tell you how many times I listened to this song in 2013 (and probably the following 3 years if I’m going to be completely honest) but it was probably enough that the YouTube royalties helped them pay for the next album.
Happy Valentine’s Day,
Love from Kim Anderson
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