If you’re a Grinch (like me) you probably hate Christmas carols, seeing decorations in the shops from August and wondering why nobody loves Halloween as much as you do, shopping in December or humans in general that month because people seem to forget basic manners and how to stop their child screaming bloody murder, having to listen to Mariah Carey every five minutes because apparently there’s no other pop song for Christmas and lastly the day itself and getting a whole heap of presents that you don’t want and wondering if you can sell them on eBay. Seriously, if I get another handbag or Star Wars related item I might just lose my shit. It surprises this Grinch even more that my attempts at making a Top 10 List became a Top 30, so I hope you enjoy this!
30. Goldfinger – ‘Rudolph The Red-Nosed Reindeer’
29. Toasters – ‘Rudy Christmas A Jail’
28. The Nightmare Before Christmas Soundtrack – ‘What’s This?’
27. Spinal Tap – ‘Christmas With The Devil’
26. Alice Cooper – ‘Santa Claus Is Coming To Town’
25. Oscar the Grouch – ‘I Hate Christmas’
24. Bowling For Soup – ‘Santa Looked A Lot Like Daddy’
23. Hollywood Undead – ‘Christmas In Hollywood’
22. Reel Big Fish – ‘Skank For Christmas’
21. The Wombats – ‘Is This Christmas?’
20. Grant Larseny – ‘Christmas In The Summer in The Suburbs’
19. Run DMC – ‘Christmas In Hollis’
18. Weezer – ‘Christmas Celebration’
17. Green Day – ‘Xmas Time Of The Year’
16. Descendents – ‘Christmas Vacation’
15. Nerf Herder – ‘Santa Has A Mullet’
14. My Chemical Romance – ‘All I Want For Christmas Is You’
13. The Matches – ‘December Is For Cynics’
12. Sum 41 & Tenacious D – ‘Things I Want’
11. The Darkness – ‘Christmas Time (Don’t Let The Bells End)’
10. Chainsaw Hookers – ‘Black Christmas’
“Let’s kill your mum and dad worst Christmas I’ve had”
This song is pretty damn good and the angry lyrics are the only way I survive shopping complexes in December (I’m always wearing an iPod). They even made a singlet of it one year with some of the lyrics on it, it was a huge hit with my Nan. It’s a damn shame I gained weight because I can’t wear it this year.
9. The Ramones – ‘Merry Christmas (I Don’t Wanna Fight Tonight)’
If you had the misfortune of reading my Marky Ramone Gig Review last year (here) you might have read how all The Ramones songs I know are from movies. It really should come as a surprise then that the same goes with this track. If you want some holiday viewing you can hear this song in Better Watch Out and Christmas With The Kranks.
8. Twisted Sister – ‘Heavy Metal Christmas’
“On my heavy metal Christmas my true love gave to me a tattoo of Ozzy…”
This is the best take on a Christmas Carol I’ve ever heard. Twisted Sister released A Twisted Christmas in 2006 featuring 11 Xmas tracks with this one being rewritten by the band.
7. NOFX – ‘Xmas Has Been X’ed’
The whole band is wearing Santa suits. Do you know how hard it is to get a punk band to dress up (well in Perth anyway)?
6. Leo Moracchioli –‘Last Christmas’
‘Last Christmas‘ by WHAM! is the best Christmas pop song ever. I’ll be waiting here while you try to change my mind. Here’s a metal version by Leo Moracchioli for those who can’t stand pop.
5. No Doubt – ‘Oi To The World’
Originally a track by The Vandals but I’m more a fan of this cover.
4. MXPX – ‘Christmas Night Of Zombies’
This song features a few of my favourite things: punk music and zombies.
3. Eric Idle – ‘Fuck Christmas’
“Fuck Christmas, it’s a waste of fucking time.
Fuck holly and fuck ivy and fuck all that mistletoe”
Fuck is said about 19 times in the space of 2 minutes.
2. blink 182 – ‘I Won’t Be Home For Christmas’
This song is the embodiment of all things Christmas…well the first part is. I haven’t been in jail myself, yet. Blink 182 have another song about the holidays that needs an honourable mention but ‘Happy Holidays, You Bastard’ is another must for your playlist. It’s a sure fire way to piss off you gran on Xmas day.
1. The Killers – ‘Don’t Shoot Me Santa’
‘Don’t Shoot Me Santa‘ is the 2nd track off their (Red) Christmas EP which features The Killer’s annual Christmas songs recorded between 2006 and 2011 in support of the Product Red campaign raising money to help create awareness and eliminate AIDS/HIV in eight African countries. I made these guys #1 because they even went out of their way to make an awesome video clip featuring a psycho Santa.
Marry Christmas, from Kim Anderson (@stwwphoto)