The Forum, Melbourne VIC
May 15th, 2018
The mighty Steel Panther are certainly not to everyone’s taste. Their relentless jokes throughout lyrics and on stage banter about dicks, arseholes, vaginas, STD’s, underage gangbangs, drugs, the band members’ surprisingly lofty age, and the bottomless myriad of situations in which all these things can turgidly find themselves are thick, fast, hilarious, and the shameless epitome of non-political correctness. But in an increasingly insufferable world gone awry with an ever-shallowing capacity to laugh at ourselves, each other, and our corporeal selves, these stalwart metal heads valiantly and metaphorically grab their dicks, flip their middle finger, and wail “Fuck you, mother fuckers. Not us, not yet. Let’s all fuck each other and take drugs. Show us your goddamn titties”, over the top of blistering guitar solos and tight-as-a-nun’s-cunt drums. By golly if it isn’t magic.
Here’s the skinny for people that may take offence to Steel Panther and their admittedly filthy, deplorable, unforgiving sense of humour; the shit they talk about in jest and clearly parody was – mostly – actually done by vacuous, loose-penised cock, heavy, shock, and hard rock millionaire misogynists that didn’t give a fuck back in the 80’s. The music rocked, but the behaviour often didn’t, especially when ladies were involved. Comparatively, Steel Panther playing ‘Asian Hooker’ with two clearly thrilled women of oriental descent onstage singing along to every word was a massive highlight of the night. So were the two dozen or so pairs of boobs that were wilfully busted out by ladies of all shapes and sizes to rousing cheers and applause. Sure, their fans are obviously about 85% heterosexual males, hence the raucous reverence for the female form (at one point, a literal stage full of it), but who fucking cares? The Panther are insulting and filthy, but with a tongue planted firmly in the cheek, and every girl on stage was having a fucking awesome time. For every rank jibe directed at audience members, there’s five back at themselves for being filthy, diseased, shallow old fuckheads. The real joke is, they don’t go backstage after the show and do any of the awful shit they talk about doing on stage, unlike dozens of actual 80’s rock Gods (they probably do take heaps of drugs though, which is fine).
All that jovial filth, glittering spandex, sweaty leather, and faux-vainglorious postulating would be nothing without the undeniably professional and toweringly awesome musical skills of guitarist Satchel, bassist/ vanity mirrorist Lexxi Foxx, drummer/secretly brilliant pianist Stix Zadinia, and the awe-inducing vocal range of Michael “My Cock Is Already In Your Ass” Starr. These guys are fucking phenomenal artists, and after their first set of Panther hits, the boys roared back out on stage and solidified themselves as some of the best consummate musical entertainers this reviewer has seen in the 16 years I’ve been to gigs.
Michael Starr’s utterly dead-on impersonations of David Lee Roth, Joe Elliot, and especially a decrepit Ozzy Osbourne were phenomenal as they bashed through full renditions, memorable licks, delirious solos, and crushing finales from dozens of classic metal bands including Aerosmith, The Kinks, Rush, Slayer, Guns n’ Roses, Poison, and Def Leppard (to name a few). The lead singer of Airbourne even jumped on stage to skull a beer and help with an AC/DC cover somewhere in the middle. Not to be outdone, guitarist Satchel managed to lay down a Dragonforce-sized guitar solo for about fifteen minutes, while simultaneously playing the fucking drums. I saw it live in person, and it still didn’t entirely make sense to my feeble brain. The man is a true rock God beyond all reasonable comprehension.
In closing, Steel Panther were fucking awesome for literally every single second of their double-bill gig at The Forum last night. It was their inaugural attempt at dishing out Panther tracks followed by a metal hall of fame sing-along, and it was easily their best gig of the six I’ve seen them play. By a fucking mile, no less. Please come back soon and do it again, you fucking magnificent assholes.
If you didn’t like it, or you aren’t down with the work of complete performance art that is Steel Panther, then you can eat my huge, sparkly, disease-ridden balls that your fat Mum who gets cummed on by dozens of dudes every day for a few dollars sucks hard whenever I want, motherfucker!
(appropriately filthy) words, and Photo Gallery by Todd Gingell
Please credit Wall of Sound and Todd Gingell if you repost.
Revisit Michael Starr co-hosting Wall of Sound: Up Against The Wall right here
Steel Panther – Sunset Strip Live!
Wed May 16th @ Forum, Melb – SOLD OUT Fri May 18th @ Big Top, Syd – SOLD OUT
Sun May 20th @ Eatons Hill, Bris
Tues May 22nd @ Astor Theatre, Perth